Mastering the art of not giving a fuck about anything
And there it was running through her mind
That silent moment of acceptance;
All the fuck she gave about everything.



Summer chilly night, the moon half-lit
Witnessing a dilemma that life poses.
Half smoked cigarette at 3 had something to say,
about life, universe and everything.
Sitting there quite by the window
It was everything a respite would consist of
But something went missing
The silent tunes buzzing at the back
Some Bukowski to feed the brain and the heart
A big BUT
Stood there staring in her face
It wasn’t the presence of a shadow or a hint of embrace
It was the subtle absence of peace of mind
That was missing
It was big empty cut, a space
A void
Carved right out in the middle of her chest
The smoke coming out of the empty void
Daunting her of the part that went

Healing is a process

Does love really fade, or hide or die or say bye?
Does it really every leave your system?
How do you stop loving someone?
How do you discard those million memories, scenarios and moments?
Do you just delete the pictures that have dominated your gallery and your mind?
How do you delete their existence from your thinking?
How do you wake up every morning and not think about them?
Or how do you train your heart to not skip a beat when you see them pass by and not take a notice of your presence?
How do you not cry yourself to sleep when the pangs of their memories are torturing you?
How do you stop loving someone who has become your second skin?
How do you?

Gift Wrapped Lie

The idea of love and relationship was wrapped to me in a silver wrapping paper
the instructions read wide and clear, this is going to be your home, your answer to life’s complex questions and of course, something you always lean on.

I accepted this silver wrapped gift from multiple places. Romantic novels, the songs so nicely sung, the lyrics that stuck to my head, the tv shows which I kept binging, even Naruda and Yeats were a participant in this play.

I kept nourishing, building upon the idea over the years. I started looking for traces of this silver wrapped idea in every scenario I would find. My parents, my friends sometimes even myself.

It kept failing again and again, I seemed to not waiver my faith in this because I had seen the end, of how everyone who believed in this idea would find what they had wanted all along. I knew it would be the same for me too. So what if I had not seen what would happen with me, but hope, as you know is a sucker for desperation.

Sometimes when I am at my lowest, no bait for my optimism, I think; I think that maybe this idea is not for me, not for real life people. Maybe Love is not always a giddy feeling, it is not always the answer. Maybe you need saving from relationships, you need to run away from them and not near. Maybe the idea is just too glorified, to be gifted as a show piece you keep in your living room mantle where no one will touch it for a very long time.

Real relationships are nothing like those scenes in the movies or of that of my favourite book. It is difficult to be with someone and make a relationship work.

Weirdly, everyone seems to know about this. Nobody talks about the trouble, no one talks about the hardships. Maybe not everyone has a happy end, maybe not everyone gets the relationship they want. And at the back of your mind, you know, it’s okay to not be in one, maybe living alone isn’t that bad of an idea.

Maybe I am feeling like this because I am in a scenario the love stories don’t talk about, maybe I will not have an ending like Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth. Maybe I will have something better, like peace of mind and extra space on the bed when I sleep alone. Maybe I will be happy without a relationship.

Maybe I will.


Good Night

Dream sweet, my pretty boy.
Sleep awaits for you to go in a deep slumber
It will show you the world within,
land of love and imaginations,
countless stories waiting to be woven as your dreams.

Muses of a long time lover

How beautiful could you be?
You saw the bent lines and kissed me
With all the love you encompass
Beautiful boy, your eyes talk to me
Like no other poem ever has
Your fingers entwined with mine
I feel your bones, i feel you
I feel your skin
Your touch awakens me
The whiff of your smell; it is a sweet melody of your presence
Your embrace.
I am not afraid of letting my pleasures take over me,
I am terrified by the thought
of losing my soul to you.

Looking for my abode- I

When the words you want to live by,
no longer seem to help
Walk outside,
go under the blue sky
Bask in the vastness
Let it guide you home!

Letter to my old self

Hello dear,

I hope that you find this letter in good health and the merrier of times, because you will not like what is about to follow. I apologize for starting the letter in a rude way. It is not all bad, but it is not what you are hoping either. You might want to make your walk longer today, you are not going to get enough a while later and while we are at it, please read a book or two more because I miss smelling those old pages and taking it all in: the beauty of those long lost words.

You shall wonder what has happened after all and you should, your life depends on it. I had a peaceful day after a very long time. I had the time to sip my coffee alone and in peace, I had the chance to eat my lunch alone and I finally got my hand on The Ulysses. If I had just known how much easier it would be to not think about anyone but myself, I would have done that more If I were you.

Don’t be fooled by Beethoven when we says:

Ever thine. 
Ever mine. 
Ever ours. 

And mind that Voltaire is not going to do any good either when you will be swayed by his words: No, nothing has the power to part me from you; our love is based upon virtue, and will last as long as our lives.

Those great men with love and passion led the bravest of lives and from what I feel, misery never left their side. It is a word of caution my friend, think twice before you close your eyes and lean for a kiss, It will eventually lead you to believe in a happily ever after, but sadly none exists. You will get your heart broken over the pettiest of matters and you will let go of what you know as the love of your life. Love will consume you to the deepest of your soul. It will find you in the wilderness of the night and will sing songs to you. It will whisper in your dreams and make you see things which will forever be your fragment of imagination.

You will, my dear, have moonlit walks and dinner by the lake. You will have your share of warmth in the bed and supper in the coziest arms. But you will not be spared of the long nights spent writhing in pain, agonizing over spilled words. You will have to walk barefeet on the summer afternoon sand to known the pleasure of walking by the beach in the night. You will have to feel the burn to know the tingling feeling of sand sliding your skin.

I think I have given too much away. I do not mean to dishearten you. You will have a good life, but I have warn you of the things that lie ahead. You need to make a choice. Would you do it all over again because I know how much it means to you? Or, would you rather walk away because lonely nights have always scared you.

Be you. I do not know if this is the best of the advice, but this is all I got for you. Come reach me soon, I am waiting with a million other tales.


It was all pretty while the
LA sun was shinning down on us.
You flew back to the Manhattan clouds
And I saw the snow storm
Come down on me while I still
Roamed the Palm beaches.

My Humble Abode

It has four walls but fails for a roof
Some would say that it is a summer night bliss
But I would rather call it a home.
I dwell without belongings.

They encompass my laughter and tears,
Stolen kisses and broken heart conversations
Corners that let me breath in peace.
I dwell without belongings.

Luxuries like scenic sunsets and posh nights
Is not what it provides.
But it gives me a sight,
A sight to see beyond the city
A city of myriad hues and muses.
I dwell without belongings.

It does not have a door
But it opens its arms to everyone
It knows no bound
For the ones who know:
How star studded sky or the bird etched blue pashmina
Can make your day and night!

I dwell without belongings
In my humble abode.