I always thought of forgiveness to be the easiest thing one would ever have to do. You just have to let things go, not hold any hard feelings inside you and there you are: Forgiveness granted. I had the perception that the person who committed any mistake must be having pretty hard time, dealing with all the situations and coping up with the mistakes, but then you realize the hardest job is the one that deals with the mistake.
Forgiveness comes at a price and that is dealing with your ego.
Forgiveness is not about letting go of some matter or may be, a deed; it is a compromise you strike with your own self. It is not just about making peace with someone but being at peace with the part of you that was bruised; it is fighting with yourself for the sake of someone who caused this in the first place.
I have seen people hold on to things and I myself have been a victim of this a lot of times. This holding-on-to-things business drags on for time immemorial. It is not about hating that person, but you get stuck with the act of mistake that happened. It keeps stinging you, eating your soul; it gets glued to your brain; forever.This might happen because it did not go as you planned it or it wasn’t expected of that person to do this to you.
It hurts your ego and we humans are really good at feeding our ego. You don’t realize that, but you constantly keep the pathway of fodder ready for the ego; unconsciously, everything we do is satisfying our ego, one way or the other.
Years down the line, you wouldn’t even remember about the mistake committed, but you would have a very vivid memory of you being hurt.
Why is it so hard to accept that mistakes happen and at the end they are humans just like you, with the same kind of brain and thought process?
You might completely understand what it must have felt like to be in those shoes, but when it comes to you all of a sudden, you just seem to forget everything.
“You can’t do this to me” keeps traversing the brain.
What is that we keep so much of high regard of ourselves that we can’t even try and understand that the person who committed the mistake might not have done it deliberately or maybe it was just destined to happen!
Each and every one of them who has been in that box might have realized that holding on to it makes it no easier and yields no positive outcome out of anything. Yet, we do. We always do.
Not being able to forgive is like torturing yourself for the thing you haven’t even committed.
At the end, I think forgiveness is about helping yourself to move on.
Every time I feel like smashing somebody’s head, I say this to myself,
“Yes, it is okay. You were wrong about it, so what? It is okay to be wrong; anybody could be. Don’t be hard on yourself, be at peace and look forward to other things. The mistake the fellow “X” committed wasn’t a deliberate one and even if it was, X does not deserve so much of your time, attention and importance.”
See how simple it is to satisfy your ego. Trick yourself and be at peace with it. Though, the simplest of things are always the hardest.
You might feel bad and your ego will be bruised, but you know when and how to soothe it up with a good trick.
Everybody is entangled in a loop. A loop, that goes on and on and it is programmed at making oneself happy; we, humans lay entangled in the never ending loop. We mask things and situations; we make people happy, be kind to them because we want us to feel happy; we want us to believe that we are good people. We keep trying to keep ourselves happy.
I came across a poem once that goes as follows
I forgive you
Not for you
But for me
For I fear
That If I don’t
I will never forget
And If I don’t forget
I will never be able
To let go of
What was once us
And release myself
Of the pain
Which I have come to know
As loving you
-Antonio M Arce
Just put this to every situation, things might get a tad bit easier.
Also, a friend of mine once told me “You are alone in this, nobody but only you can get yourself out of this.”