The idea of love and relationship was wrapped to me in a silver wrapping paper
the instructions read wide and clear, this is going to be your home, your answer to life’s complex questions and of course, something you always lean on.
I accepted this silver wrapped gift from multiple places. Romantic novels, the songs so nicely sung, the lyrics that stuck to my head, the tv shows which I kept binging, even Naruda and Yeats were a participant in this play.
I kept nourishing, building upon the idea over the years. I started looking for traces of this silver wrapped idea in every scenario I would find. My parents, my friends sometimes even myself.
It kept failing again and again, I seemed to not waiver my faith in this because I had seen the end, of how everyone who believed in this idea would find what they had wanted all along. I knew it would be the same for me too. So what if I had not seen what would happen with me, but hope, as you know is a sucker for desperation.
Sometimes when I am at my lowest, no bait for my optimism, I think; I think that maybe this idea is not for me, not for real life people. Maybe Love is not always a giddy feeling, it is not always the answer. Maybe you need saving from relationships, you need to run away from them and not near. Maybe the idea is just too glorified, to be gifted as a show piece you keep in your living room mantle where no one will touch it for a very long time.
Real relationships are nothing like those scenes in the movies or of that of my favourite book. It is difficult to be with someone and make a relationship work.
Weirdly, everyone seems to know about this. Nobody talks about the trouble, no one talks about the hardships. Maybe not everyone has a happy end, maybe not everyone gets the relationship they want. And at the back of your mind, you know, it’s okay to not be in one, maybe living alone isn’t that bad of an idea.
Maybe I am feeling like this because I am in a scenario the love stories don’t talk about, maybe I will not have an ending like Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth. Maybe I will have something better, like peace of mind and extra space on the bed when I sleep alone. Maybe I will be happy without a relationship.
Maybe I will.