THE OBSCURITY OF EXISTENCE

The One with the day and night “F.R.I.E.N.D.S”

Okay. The heading itself will give you the gist of this rant: The one with the day and night “FRIENDS”. This was the time when I was totally high on friends. On this earth full of weird people and their own weird likes and dislikes, I guess there is no one who hates this epic series. At least, I haven’t come across any such person and I hope I never do. There is nothing more to say about this because everybody is well-versed with the “Charm of FRIENDS” and may be the explanation will not be enough justify the awesomeness of this extravagantly addictive series. So, basically this was the day when I could not do anything but watch back to back episodes with two hours of the dinner break and an extra of 10-15 human minutes.

It started one fine Friday afternoon when the chilly atmosphere of the RC and the stress relieving time (as the exams had just got over), all directed me towards one thing – “Watch FRIENDS”. So, right from 4:00 P.M. the journey of endless friends continued up until 9:30 A.M.

WARNING: If you are trying this you might be high on all sorts of emotions, your eyes will pop out or sink in and lack of sleep can take you away from conservation with people and they will be bound to call you “CRANKY PANTS!”

PS: I will try not to reveal any of the amazing moments “friends” have.

So, here goes.

I was midway in the fourth season and by now the story had taken a good pace and I could make an outline of the final shape the story was going to take further. I knew from the beginning which of the love birds are going to hook up, but it is like a ride through a carnival to see them together. I have had the most amazing laughter, the most amazing silence, the most amazing emotional crying outburst, the most amazing awkward scene, the most amazing foolishness and the most amazing of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

A friend of mine told me back in summer when he was too much into “FRIENDS” that it is impossible to decide your favorite character or it is impossible not to fall in love with all of them. I was not too convinced with this then because I had not seen the show and now I completely agree with him. Each one of them is unpredictable and they do not stop being your favorite, whatever happens. According to me, the best part about them is that I can relate to all the characters in some context or the other and so it makes me feel a kind of attachment with all of them. I find myself in all of their shoes. Feeling ascetic and on the seventh sky and sometimes so sad that I just feel like crawling into a shell.

You have no idea how hard it is to keep myself away from giving you any spoilers. There are so many turning points in the story that for a while I felt that all the assumptions I have made up till now about the ending are going wrong. I was so baffled and confused because the story was tracing its own twist and turns, and not the way I had imagined it to be and that is why I was so hooked to it that I could not press the “ESC” button and stop the show. Imagine, this was my condition till I completed the 4th season. I have four more to go and I am pretty excited about the shocks that it is going to give me. I just wanted that story to go on and on and so I let the tears of emotions flow from my eyes and some tears also because of no blinks and staring at the laptop screen with such a keen interest. But, after a while I had to stop because I was eventually turning into a zombie without any food or water and all the slouching on the bed. For a while, I also felt that I am a part of this story and all of these are real characters. It was hard getting back to my senses, not that I wanted to get them back.

Now, if I go on for a long time I will spoil the fun it offers. I just want to say – Watch “F.R.I.E.N.D.S”. I can’t describe how simply amazing it is. It will take you on this rollercoaster ride of emotions, make you skeptic about yourself, the chaos in the episode will torment your mood and the happiness and the fun will fill you with glee. All the characters Monica, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, Ross, Pheobe and not to forget the supporting cast and the guest appearances are equally responsible for it to be good. Like Gunther or the girl from the copy place and the Geller clan, Pheobe’s younger brother and her birth mother, the list will go on and on. They fill them with spice and fun.

Finally, I will give a break to my endless talking about friends.

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Why do we write?

Have you ever wondered,

Why people choose writing as a form of expression?

Because the rules cease to exist

In those lands

Where people have believed

A pen is mightier than the sword.

 

Depth

Only if you knew,
The depth of my soul

Then you would know,

The world does not scare me

Words do.

Beautiful or Pretty

Am I beautiful?
or just pretty?
Beautiful, like those snow clad mountains in the distance
And the stream that flows by!
Or, Pretty? The kind where you see the endless sky
In shades of blue and white
And you sigh!
"Pretty, isn't it?"
Would I be the one
with whom you stay for a day and live
Live, like it is your forever.
And at the end you would say
Gasping for breath,
"Beautiful, beautiful, is all I have to say"
Or, Would I be the one,
With whom you spend
Nits and bits of your life?
Here and there we wander,
Finding pleasures in pieces of wonder
Having a Pretty life!

Death

Love is Death.

The most dangerous form of self destruction.

Happily you walk towards your own grave,

Enjoying every minute of the journey.

Love is, will always be, the most preferred way of self destruction.

Being killed by the things and people you are made of.

With smile on your lips and peace written all over your face,

Poisoned by the sweet words poured into our hearts

Now and again!

Constant

You exist,
Not in my thoughts,
But in the spaces that remain
Between the breaths.
Between the moments when you take a sigh of relief,
not between those conversations
but in the leftovers that corrupt my brain.

A reminiscent from the past: 21st

Two hearts,

Busy minds,

Nothing to talk about.

Waiting for the clocks to tick!

To hear the bells toll 12,

On this day,

They knew, for the rest of their time

That would be it;

With nothing new,

They decide to be there

For eachother

In the little windows they get from their life.

They decided to be each other’s

Divided attention.

Who Said That Love Was Fire?

Who said that love was fire?
I know that love is ash.
It is the thing which remains
When the fire is spent,
The holy essence of experience.

Note: This a beautiful poem by Patience Worth also known as Pearl Curran

Week: 2, Location: Office

Have you ever written and rewritten and then rewritten something because you felt so drained and could not get anything that was satisfactory? Your juices do not flow and then you are so dried up that writing even a single sentence is a task that you would want to procrastinate.

Guess what?

This is one such post.

Productivity killed. Monotonous work life does that to people. 😛

Disclaimer: This post is only intended for fun and does not mean to harm the sentiments of any individual totally in awe of their work life. The author had a lousy day as her boss was stuck with work and she had nothing to do, because duh! Intern. She is just boggled by the creativity present in her surrounding because she is working at a place which is considered to be as the pool of creative people: Advertisement Company. She just wants to look at the cute little office walls and frames and apparently she is not intrigued by Android Studio today. Good day, folks!  

Me

I am made of Madness,

Chaos flows through me

Broken and Stitched

Nothing is more beautiful

than a scarred soul

with a bandaged hope!

I am broken and you are stitched.

Blinded

Some people are incapable of love!

Love, not for others,

but for themselves.

Obsessed with the idea of love

That it conceals them from reality.

They see not with their eyes,

But with the pictures you create.

Deciphering every curve,

the corner and the nooks,

the little mysteries you plan!

Maybe that is why

Lovers are named blind.

The Dubious Mind

The dubious mind is a storehouse of wrecked relationships. Have you ever pondered on how overthinking does a lot of damage everywhere! We don’t realize when our mind, our thoughts start becoming poison rather than a helping hand. Personal privileges have become so freaking important that we have really forgotten the simplicity it takes to be with each other. We have nothing to add, but complexities. We always use our minds to complicate the situation rather than equate it.

Everybody has been here, in these shoes.

Dearest beloved,

How did that awkwardness creep in? We were friends, lovers and family. What do we fight for? Why are we so keen on satisfying our ego?

In the end, I knew that we would lean on each other for support. It kept happening and I did nothing to stop it. 

First, the Silences were a tad awkward, though it used to turn out to be peaceful, endearing all the happiness it could hide beneath its shade with those unspoken words. I thought it was a phase, it would pass. The words would finally flow out or may be just we would start understanding each others silences. I waited, waited till I could not fathom them. They went on to be wars going deep down somewhere, it turned out to be peaceful, but with some scars and bruises. That feeling of peace was known with a certain kind of fear and anonymity.

I couldn’t decipher your eyes. They always were so innocent and your face docile; but, were they?

Your words were bitter but they did hint towards my well-being, didn’t they?

It was like an endless loop, in which we were stuck!

Could I? Should I just have trusted you?

There was this fear always at the back of my mind, What if you turned out to be totally different from what I had thought of you to be? What if, I miss out the chance of being with you because of the constant doubts in my mind!

This could be for real or just things made up in my mind. 

Duh.

It was so hard.

I don’t know when the friendly feeling vanished and was a constant towering feeling of strangeness came overpowering. I felt less like a companion. It was becoming unfathomable to even grasp the strangeness of your behaviour. 

Your awkwardness, erratic traits and clarity did tempt me at times but, then again was it just an illusion; a veil over some unknown identity of yours I didn’t know about. 

I don’t know whether I loved you or not! All I know is, I just didn’t feel like I belonged there, because I didn’t know you anymore. In the fight to find ourselves, we lost each other. I lost the track of when you stopped calling me to check if I was okay? I completely forgot about those stolen glances, hurried kisses and shared lunches. I used to see you everyday, but I just couldn’t find you. 

I don’t know whether what we did at that time was the correct thing to do. All I want to do now , is confess. I have missed you everyday from the day we last met. The image of your teary eyes keep running back to me and it hurts me. All I wish is, I wouldn’t have ever thought all of that, I would have never let such thoughts occur to me. I never should have doubted what I had with you. 

I am so sorry that we wrecked our own relationship. 

Love. 

Never let your mind come into your way of feelings! It is something else to be smart and something else to be just overtly critical of everything. This letter isn’t to show the hardship that they faced, it is about the regret that kept lingering on, that stuck like a baggage. They wrecked something so beautiful because their need to be smart, to overthink and overanalyze every situation just poisoned their minds and hearts.

Just let go of what is holding you, let it flow! This life is too simple to be critical.

The Aftermath

I am all havoc, buried in my own mess.

Sunrise and Sunset all the same

I have grown all indifferent,

I have stopped looking around.

It all feels like winter; dark and cloudy

But, it has to go and, life has to continue

A rough winter will pass by.

Will I still see you around for summer?

Trust

The reason I keep meddling,

Is not because, I don’t trust you!

It is all me; Do I trust myself?

Selfish

They were standing by the ocean side and the waves came hollering down to their feet. It was a wonderful evening and the sun was finding its way back home. They were taken back to the first day they met. It was the same beach, same day and the same moment 10 years ago. Jack thought about the feeling he had at that moment, a feeling of content and satisfaction. He looked at Chris, he knew what she was thinking too. Life had changed since then for both of them. They were married for 9 years now and had a small 5 year old daughter, Agatha.

When people say I am selfish Jack, I would like to believe that, I am a selfish being. You will say- it is very practical, everybody needs to be selfish and, there is nothing wrong in putting your needs before someone else’s. But, when I tell you, I am selfish that is because, I want you to love me no matter what happens to you. I want you to love me no matter what I end up doing. I may come to you, crying with a mess I created and you land up in trouble because of me, I want you to love me. That is what love is to me; selfish. I expect you to do the same, what I do for you. That is exactly not being selfish. But, then you don’t know that I do all of that without you having to explain your expectations, like I did. So, I am selfish because I make it pretty clear about my needs and expectations. Love is to me, nothing but being selfish. All of this time, these years, I kept waiting and waiting for that magic to happen. I always thought you were the one and the spark was about to happen. Even after being married for these many years, I knew something was missing. I knew we were never on the same page. Either I rushed on real fast or you never came onboard. I can not take it anymore. It’s time. We are done.

He gushed back to reality and looked at the farthest end of the ocean. It was done. They were signing the divorce paper tomorrow. The counselor tried addressing the problem, but they had come too far now and he did not want to change things. He wanted to explain that he loved her no matter how much she thought he did not. He wanted to accept that yes, maybe he is not that involved as much as she was. But, he has been with her all the goddamn time because what he feels for her was not something that he felt normally. He felt intensely, whatever that was. He still does not know if that is love. What else could be love? Staying together, sharing a house, a baby, meals, problems, happiness, life and what else could he do? He thought if he could ask what else could he possibly do to convince her that he too is involved. It was too late. He had taken way too long to realise that he missed the correct timing and it was too late to go back. He thought about Agatha, that sweet little dove. He will miss them, some good times, he thought. He will eventually get used to staying alone, having all the time to himself, sharing meals with no one, he was going to have the bed all to himself. It was done.

They turned towards each other and smiled. Somethings are just not meant to last forever. The silence persisted and no one managed to speak a single word the entire time.

She kept hoping that at least at this last moment, once and for all, he would fight for her, their love, their daughter, their home. Silence. He did not utter a word. He kept thinking how she would patch up after any fight and then things would be right, back to normal. Well, this was the new normal.

Trigger

“I want to pull the trigger,

Lit a fire,

Turn this world to ashes”, said the guy bloodied in ink.

The mistress in pink wondered,

Has he ever read his own poetry?

Those words are weapons.

They ignite a fire, only to burn everything down to ash

 

Of Untold Questions and Answers

I wanted to write about us,

What we really are!

For, what was your favorite song?

Or, did you prefer coffee over tea?

But, I could never manage to write about

Were you my favorite or, otherwise?

Did you fall in love with me first or, otherwise?

Never scribbled,

The things that mattered.

Something she gave away

This world is your oyster, everybody exclaimed

No matter what the chances, always give way

In this tiff, of solving an algorithm or reading a poem

She forgot to enjoy the little dew drops on her windowpane

Survival

Let us fly away, she said

With a peck of hope.

Only if we could just survive on love!

He dwindled; alone.